


χ-ristmas Confessions

by bluebellfantasy



Series: KH Holiday Series [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Awkwardness, Axel & Roxas & Xion Friendship (Kingdom Hearts), Axel Is Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Destiny Island Trio (Kingdom Hearts), Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Love Confessions, Mistletoe, Mutual Pining, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Roxas-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Sea Salt Family (Kingdom Hearts), Secret Santa, Snow, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Twilight Town (Kingdom Hearts), Wayfinder Trio (Kingdom Hearts), Xion-centric (Kingdom Hearts), rokushi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebellfantasy/pseuds/bluebellfantasy
Summary: "The exhilarating, joyful feeling slammed back into Roxas with all the force of a wave. Along with it came the odd sense of fear and embarrassment. How could he possibly handle this, when he wasn’t even sure what it was he was feeling?"Takes place after, "How to Confess Your Love in One Bite." Sora suggests a Secret Santa gift exchange, and everyone is very excited! But when Roxas draws his best friend's name, he's not sure how he feels - or even what he is feeling in the first place. Can there be a way to figure it out, and hopefully tell Xion in the process?
Relationships: Roxas/Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: KH Holiday Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058879
Comments: 16
Kudos: 15





	1. What is this Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Happy Holidays! I had SO MUCH FUN writing my Kingdom Hearts Halloween fic, so I thought I'd turn it into a series of holiday-centered fics with my favorite ships! I did Aqua/Terra last time, but now it is time for the sweet, tender RokuShi, AKA Roxas/Xion! I adore these two so much and think they are absolutely cute together. Like the Halloween one, this will be in two chapters and completed before Christmas :) I tried to get into Roxas' head, and I hope I did a good enough job keeping him and everyone else in character. I hope you all enjoy it! please kudos and leave comments :) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Last time, it had been Aqua’s idea. This time it was Sora’s, and Roxas was going to strangle him for it.

Ever since Halloween, the rather large group of friends had gotten together more often. It was the holiday season, after all. After everyone had left the Land of Departure the day after Halloween, they came back a few weeks later for a big meal. Terra, having done some research on other holidays in other worlds, found out about a holiday called “Thanksgiving,” where families/friends gathered together to give thanks for what they had and eat until they were sick (Terra thought it was a great idea, and so did Ven, but it took Aqua a bit of convincing). Everyone helped contribute to the feast, and all was well.

It was while they were eating pie that Sora blurted out, “Guys! We should all do Secret Santa gift exchanges for Christmas!"

Upon seeing everyone’s confused/blank stares, Sora explained the concept: draw a name from a hat, and get a thoughtful gift for the person whose name you pick. Ven, Kairi and Namine were immediately on board. Riku, Terra and Xion kept asking questions about how to know what to get someone, especially if they drew a name they didn’t know well. Lea simply wanted to know how much it was going to cost. But in the end, all agreed on both the idea and a limit on how much each could spend.

Roxas had gone over the scene in his head at least ten times, but it always brought him excitement. He let out a happy sigh, his breath swirling in the winter air. Tightening the scarf around his neck, he called into the house, “Are you guys ready, or am I gonna have to wait all day?”

“You’ve only been ready for the past _hour_ ,” Lea’s voice called back from the hallway. Roxas could practically hear the smile on his face. “I’m surprised you didn’t go on ahead of us. And either wait outside or shut the door; it’s freezing.”

Roxas reluctantly shut the door behind him. “I’m ready right on time. It’s you two who are slow.”

Lea came around a corner, holding a pair of winter boots. “I prefer the term fashionably late.” He sat down on the couch and began to pull each boot on. “Xion, you about ready?” he called.

“One second!” came their female friend’s voice. After a moment a bedroom door shut, and Xion came scurrying down the hallway. She was currently tugging a hat on top of her head. “Ready!” she said brightly.

“Aren’t you gonna go get Isa?” Roxas asked as he opened the front door and stepped outside.

“He said he’d meet us there,” Lea replied, crinkling his face as a snowflake landed on his nose.

Xion let out a small giggle. “Is he still mad at you about Halloween?”

Lea shrugged. “He was at first. He kept saying he would’ve been a better help than Demyx was. I had to grovel at his feet for a while. But he said it was fine as long as he brought me along for this Christmas thing. And Sora said it was okay.”

The three of them walked side by side through the snowy streets in comfortable silence. Twilight Town was always beautiful with its multi color sunsets and cozy atmosphere, but wintertime only added more ambience. Snow topped houses and shops sat side by side, their chimneys emitting sweet-smelling smoke as residents baked various treats. Tree branches were delicately painted with snow; no artists hand could capture their beauty. Streetlamps came on at earlier times, and one could see the flurries of snowflakes in the light. The air was crisp, ringing with voices singing various songs of the season.

Roxas loved every second of it. Since winter had begun, a new warmth had entered him. He wasn’t quite sure how to explain it, even to himself. Was it because he was finally his own person now? Was it the feeling that nothing would separate him from his friends ever again? Was it the sheer joy and feeling of being _alive,_ being _real?_ He really didn’t know. It was often these thoughts that kept him up late at night.

But he knew one thing for sure: Xion was a big contributor to it.

Lea was, and always would be, Roxas’ close friend. Of that, he was certain. But there was something different with Xion (and Roxas felt that it wasn’t just because she was a girl). Lea had experienced many things before they did: snowfall, friendships, what it felt like to laugh and cry and _feel._ Roxas and Xion had not. Even now they were constantly bombarding Lea with questions, just as they had in the Organization. But slowly the two of them had been learning together. They would show each other small wonders: a new flower they’d never seen, how the stars made patterns in the sky, the snowflakes steady, gentle fall.

Roxas didn’t feel so alone with someone just as inexperienced next to him.

Roxas took a sideways glance at Xion. She was looking up at the sky as they walked, her eyes wide and a big smile on her face. Snowflakes stuck to her thick black hair, looking at first glance like tiny gems woven into each strand. The lamplight illuminating the streets only accented her sharp cheekbones and jawline. The look of wonder and awe, so apparent on her face, only made the warmth in Roxas’ heart grow.

Roxas quickly looked away, his face feeling warm.

“It’s at the Bistro, right?” Lea asked, breaking Roxas’ thoughts.

“Uh, yeah,” Roxas said, clearing his throat. “Yeah, it is.” Lea cocked an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” Xion said absently, still looking up at the sky.

“I already am,” Lea muttered, rubbing his arms. “it’s freezing out here.”

“I don’t think I will either,” Roxas replied to her comment. Xion looked at him and gave him a smile. Roxas smiled back, his face feeling warmer by the second. He caught Lea looking at him, a sly grin on his face. Roxas immediately looked ahead, determined to find something to change the subject.

“Looks like everyone’s there already,” he said as they approached the Bistro. A bunch of crowded silhouettes surrounded the windows, and the voices inside grew louder as the three of them approached. Lea pushed open the door, holding it open for his two friends. Roxas and Xion walked inside. The warmth of the shop hit Roxas like a solid wall of heat, and he quickly took off his scarf.

“Xion!”

Roxas barely had time to get out of the way before Kairi came barreling through, throwing her arms around her friend. Xion laughed, hugging her back just as tightly. Roxas heard a polite, “excuse me,” from behind him, and he stepped aside to let Namine through. Namine, her eyes sparkling with happiness, gave Xion a tender hug. A tall woman a bit older than the three walked towards them, a gentle smile on her face. Aqua bent down slightly to hug Xion, asking her how she was. They all began to talk animatedly to each other. It was as if they hadn’t seen one another in years, when they only saw each other a few weeks ago.

“Hey, Roxas!”

Roxas turned to see Sora standing there, a wide smile on his face. “Glad you could make it!”

Roxas shrugged, but smiled back at him. “I _do_ only live right down the street.”

“All the better!” Sora said cheerfully. He opened his arms in a hesitant hug, and Roxas indulged him in a quick embrace. He wasn’t much for hugs, but for Sora he would.

“Hey, Roxas!” an even more cheery voice said behind him. Roxas turned, only to feel like he was looking into a mirror. With the exception of Ventus’ hair being slightly lighter, the two of them were exactly alike in appearance.

“What’s up, Ven?” Roxas asked, giving him a fistbump.

“Not much, but I’m excited for this!” Ven said excitedly. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“When you two are in the same room with your backs turned, I can’t tell who’s who.” Roxas looked to his left to see Terra, tall and muscular, standing there. Terra shook his head with a slight smile. “The two of you may need name tags. It’s nice to see you, Roxas.” he added, and Roxas said likewise.

“We’ve lived together for _how long,_ and you can’t tell the difference?!” Ven exclaimed. Everyone laughed.

Riku made his way through the crowd, eventually making his way to Roxas. “Hey,” he said simply, with a small smile. He extended a hand, and Roxas shook it.

“Who’s the blue-haired dude next to Lea?” Ven asked, noticing the redhead in the corner for the first time.

“That’s Saix – I mean, Isa,” Sora corrected after Roxas gave him a slight glare. “he’s a friend of Lea’s. I said he could tag along.”

“Weird, seeing him without a cloak,” Riku said privately to Roxas. Roxas laughed a little, nodding in agreement.

“Is everyone here?” Sora asked, looking around. 

“I think so,” Terra said, also looking around the Bistro. He did a silent headcount, then nodded. “Yep, we’re all here.”

“Awesome!” Sora stood up on one of the chairs, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Okay, everyone! Listen up!” Once the voices quieted down, Sora smiled and lowered his hands. “Glad you all could make it! Tonight we’re just gonna go over the rules and draw names, okay?” Everyone nodded in agreement.

Sora held up some small pieces of paper in his right hand. “On each of the tables, you will find some small strips of paper,” he held up his left hand, which was clenching a few pencils. “along with some pencils. Write your name on the paper, and make sure you write it _neatly_ because we’ve got some old folks here.” He gave Terra a playful grin, and Terra rolled his eyes, smiling. Roxas could hear Aqua laughing in the distance.

“Then we’re all going to put the pieces of paper with the names into this hat,” Sora gestured to a small top hat by his feet. “and I’m going to mix it up a little. Once that’s done, I’ll pass the hat around and everyone will pick a slip of paper out of the hat and read it. Do _not_ let anyone else read it! That’s part of the fun. If you get your own name, put it back and get a different piece of paper. Is that clear enough for everyone?” he asked the crowded room. Everyone murmured back a yes. “Then go ahead and write your name and put it in the hat!” Sora said brightly, hopping off of the chair and nearly knocking Riku over. Roxas laughed along with everyone else as Riku headlocked Sora for a brief moment.

Roxas walked to the table closest to him and picked up a piece of paper. However, someone else thought to come to the same table, and their fingers touched briefly. Roxas looked up to see Xion’s wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

“S-Sorry, Roxas!” she squeaked, immediately withdrawing her hand as if she touched a hot stove. Before Roxas could say anything, she turned and scampered away.

Roxas stared after her, his fingers still hovering over the slip of paper. They felt like they had been electrified by her touch. Something was pounding in his ears – was that his heart? Why was it going so fast? He shakily took a piece of paper and a pencil, writing his name on it. He walked to where Sora was and put his name in the hat. Roxas then sat down in a nearby chair, thinking hard.

On one hand, he was thrilled that their fingers touched. In all honesty, he felt like leaping up from his chair and doing some sort of giddy dance. If he was alone in his room, maybe he would; but definitely not with people around (especially Lea – he would never let Roxas hear the end of it). Laughter – weird, hysterical, giddy laughter – bubbled in his throat. Roxas smiled into his jacket, and found himself unable to stop. It only grew wider and wider, until he felt like his cheeks were going to break apart.

On the other hand, a strange sense of impending doom was hovering over him. It reminded him of a giant Heartless, its greedy hands grabbing at Roxas and squeezing him till he couldn’t breathe. And no Keyblade was in sight: how do you fight something so large that is inside your own head? Roxas felt his hands shake slightly, and he shoved them into his pockets. Despite the warmth of the Bistro, he suddenly felt very cold. Why did she run away? Why did she look so scared? The two of them were best friends. They had nothing to hide from one another.

Maybe…?

A vague memory slid into focus in Roxas’ mind: chilly air, a starry sky, a large blazing fire in front of him. Xion was next to him, and at some moment he felt her fingers gently wrap around his own. He had nearly dropped the marshmallow he was roasting. Roxas looked at her in some confusion, but she simply stared straight ahead, a determined look on her face. In the firelight he could see the rosiness of her cheeks. Her hand was warm and soft, but calloused. She didn’t let go, and neither did he.

 _That’s right,_ Roxas thought suddenly. How could he have forgotten that? It had only happened on Halloween, which wasn’t too long ago. He also remembered feeling that warmth; that tender, sweet feeling that only Xion could bring, for the first time. Seeing her face in the firelight, Roxas only then seemed to realize how pretty – no, how _beautiful –_ Xion was.

He didn’t sleep at all that night, despite being exhausted from Trick-or-Treating. His mind was in full overdrive: what did it mean? Did holding someone’s hand have some kind of special connotation that he didn’t know about? He thought of asking Lea, but quickly decided against it. Not because he didn’t trust Lea – far from it – but because he felt this was more... _private_ somehow.

That experience somehow made the two awkward around one another for a while. It meant _something,_ surely. She had never been awkward around him before, and he never felt weirdly embarrassed, either. What was all of this?

“Is everyone’s name in?” Sora called out to the group. Everyone answered back affirmatively. “Great! Just give me a second.” He gently ran his fingers through the many slips of paper, tossing some of them in the air before catching them in the hat. After a few moments, Sora began walking around. He first stopped at Isa, who reached in and gingerly pulled out a piece of paper. He opened it, read the name, and nodded at Sora. Sora smiled at him before moving on to the next person.

Roxas watched carefully as Sora held out the hat in front of Xion a few turns later. Xion gently stuck her hand in and pulled out a name. As she read it, her face broke into a wide smile.

 _She probably got Kairi, Namine or Aqua,_ Roxas thought to himself. Why else would she be so excited?

It seemed like an age before Sora finally reached Roxas. He held out the hat, still smiling brightly. Roxas gave a wary smile back before reaching into the hat. Grabbing the first piece of paper his fingers touched, he took it. He opened it on the table.

For a few seconds, Roxas thought he was dreaming. He blinked a few times, then shook his head to see if it really _was_ the name he was reading. But the small, precise, slightly cursive handwriting did not change:

_Xion._

The exhilarating, joyful feeling slammed back into Roxas with all the force of a wave. Along with it came the odd sense of fear and embarrassment. How could he possibly handle this, when he wasn’t even sure what it was he was feeling?

He heard a small snort behind him, and whipped his head back around. He had forgotten that Sora was still standing there. And from the devilish grin on his friend’s face, Roxas immediately knew that Sora had somehow seen or known who’s name was on the piece of paper. Giving Roxas a sly and very obvious wink, Sora walked away. Roxas saw Riku and Ven’s faces close to him, looking confused at Sora’s sudden behavior.

Another wave of realization hit him hard: had Sora made sure Roxas got Xion’s name on purpose?

That grin on Sora’s face said it all.

 _I’m gonna kill him._ Roxas thought to himself, clenching his fist. The tiny slip of paper folded and crushed in his hand.


	2. The Single Greatest Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xion and Roxas are having their individual struggles as the night of the Christmas party approaches. As they realize what their feelings are for each other, each wonders what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DUDES! ...okay, it's not for another 3 days where I'm at, but still! XD I am so excited for you guys to read tihs chapter! I literally had to grab a pillow and squeal into it a few times because its just so friggin cute. I love RokuShi so much, and I thought Christmas would be the perfect holiday for them to really come to terms with some of their emotions. I can totally see them being so awed by the magic of Christmas. Please let me know what you think! constructive criticism, comments and kudos is always welcomed :)
> 
> Disclaimer: if i owned Kingdom Hearts, I would make everyone go to therapy. But sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts so my babies have to continue to suffer.

“Ugh,” Xion moaned, resting her head on the table in defeat. “why is this so _hard?”_

Kairi took a sip of her hot chocolate before answering. “Because you care,” she said simply. “plus, it’s your first Christmas.”

“Kairi’s got a good point.” Aqua added, tenderly laying a hand on Xion’s shoulder. “You’ve never done this before. Don’t stress yourself out about it. It’s the thought that counts.”

“But Roxas is my best friend,” Xion said dismally, her voice slightly muffled. “I want to get him something special.”

Aqua gave the younger girl a smile, squeezing her shoulder. “I’m sure he will love it, whatever you decide to get him.”

Xion lifted her head and let out a puff of breath. “It’s just...Roxas means a lot to me. I want to get him something meaningful.”

Namine, who had taken off one of her boots and was massaging the ball of her foot, looked up at Xion. “Well...maybe we should look somewhere else. We have been here for a few hours now.” The other three girls nodded.

It had been a busy morning for all of them. Xion had called Kairi on her Gummiphone, asking for advice on what to get her Secret Santa. It turned out that Kairi also was having trouble with her gifts, so she suggested going into Traverse Town to check out some shops. Upon agreeing that they should invite Namine and Aqua along, the four met up in front of Cid’s shop. Then, clad in winter hats and gloves, they went along their way. It was then that Xion realized that in order to get their help, she needed to tell them whose name she drew. She sent a silent apology to Sora as she explained her predicament to the other three.

Kairi, Namine and Aqua had found their Secret Santa gifts relatively fast. Aqua even picked up a few things for Terra and Ventus. And yet, in spite of all their searching, Xion had had no luck. Nothing seemed to be suitable enough for her best friend. So here they were, taking a small break as they drank some hot chocolate at one of the local cocoa stands.

“I’m sure I’ll find something if I keep looking,” Xion said with a sigh as she straightened up in her chair. She took a small sip of her hot chocolate, looking disheartened.

“Xion,” Aqua began gently, “I know he’s your best friend, and I know you would like to find the perfect gift for him. But...” she paused for a moment, as if trying to decide what to say. “like I said earlier, I know he will love _whatever_ you get him. You two have known each other for a long time.”

“We have, but...” Xion looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. “things have been weird lately.”

“How?” Kairi asked in concern.

Xion bit her lip slightly. The thing that happened between her and Roxas on Halloween still plagued her mind often. It was an instinctive thing – his hand was just lying there, and she felt a sudden need to hold it. After a solid ten minutes of wrestling with herself, she scooted closer to him, grabbed it gently, and laced her fingers between his own. She remembered Roxas stiffening, as if surprised. But Xion convinced herself to hang on. _I am not letting go,_ she had told herself. After a while, Roxas seemed to relax.

His hand was calloused – the hand of a Keyblade wielder – but also possessed a certain tenderness. It was warmer than her own, and that warmth stuck with Xion long after she let go and they went to bed. It seemed to travel from her hand to her chest, right where her heart would be. It filled her up like a warm drink, and Xion let herself revel in it despite not knowing exactly what it was.

“Well...remember on Halloween when we had the big bonfire?” Xion asked the other three. They all nodded. “I was sitting next to Roxas and...I had this weird feeling.” She explained the impulsiveness behind the decision, the sudden determination to not let go and the warmth she was still basking in months later. Namine looked at her in slight wonder, while Kairi and Aqua had knowing smiles on their faces.

“And it’s just been awkward because it almost happened again a few days ago,” Xion explained, “when we drew names. And I don’t like it being awkward, and I don’t want to make it more awkward by getting him a gift that he won’t like.”

“Now I see,” Aqua began in a soft voice. “I didn’t know your feelings for him ran that deep, Xion.”

Xion’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Kairi leaned forward, joy practically radiating off of her skin. “You _like_ him, don’t you?” she whispered excitedly.

Xion wasn’t sure why, but her face and ears suddenly felt very hot. “W-What? What do you mean?” she looked back and forth between Namine, Kairi and Aqua. “I...of course I like him! He’s my best friend, next to Lea.”

Aqua let out a gentle laugh and turned in her chair to fully face Xion. “That’s not what Kairi means. You know how I feel about Terra, right? And how Kairi feels about Sora?”

Xion thought hard. It was obvious from the moment she met the two that the other cared for their male friends deeply. But there were some things she didn’t quite understand: the lingering looks they often shared, the sometimes playful way they would talk to each other, and how many times they would touch each other. But Xion also saw a look in their eyes that she had never known: an adoring, beautiful... _soft_ way. A way that seemed to say, “I would do _anything_ for you.”

“Yes,” she answered Aqua’s question. “but what does that have to do with me and Roxas?”

Kairi smiled. “It just means that you feel the same way about Roxas that I feel about Sora. And Aqua, about Terra. It’s not a bad thing,” she added hastily at the look of utter shock on Xion’s face. “it just takes some time to get used to.”

“So...you’re saying...I like Roxas as more than a friend?” Xion asked slowly. The other three said nothing, but exchanged knowing looks.

Xion thought back to the days she spent in the Organization. The regular hang outs on the clock-tower, the taste of sea-salt ice cream, the laughter and smiles. She recalled with vivid images how she forced Roxas to fight her, her voluntary defeat, how bits and pieces of her crystallized and floated into the atmosphere like ash. She recalled the warmth of Roxas’ hands as he held her, crying out not to leave. She smiled at him, told him it was better his way, to free Kingdom Hearts.

But why _did_ she do what she did in the first place? Surely it went far beyond the fact that the two were best friends. Something deep inside Xion told her that no one would just give up their own life and identity for just anyone, even if it was for a noble reason. It was a reason beyond logic; it wasn’t logic at all. It was _emotion,_ something she was still trying to understand the concept of.

Whatever this specific emotion was, it ran so deep and so aggressively that it scared her.

“I’m scared,” Xion said suddenly. “what if he doesn’t feel the way I do?”

Namine gave Xion a kind smile. “I wouldn’t say that. He looks at you like you’re the sun.”

“You mean I make him squint?” Xion asked, confused.

Namine let out a giggle. “No. I mean that he looks at you like...” she paused, trying to find the words. “like you’re the warmest, brightest thing in his life. It’s very sweet.” Despite her kind words, Xion noticed a sweet sort of sadness in Namine’s eyes. Her heart burst with compassion for her friend; if anyone deserved someone who looked at her like that, it was Namine.

“Love in and of itself is always a risk,” Aqua replied. “but it’s a risk worth taking no matter what happens.” Kairi nodded in agreement.

_Love._

Is _that_ what this was? This feeling of being warm from the inside out? This feeling of undying loyalty? This feeling that, for whatever reason, seemed to run deeper than mere friendship? It made sense, in a way. But if that’s what it was, should she tell Roxas her feelings? Is that what one did when they loved someone else? The thought of revealing the innermost feelings of her heart to Roxas made Xion’s stomach turn. Despite him being her best friend, this was something she didn’t feel like she could share easily.

But could _anyone_ share those feelings easily for the first time?

Xion gently rubbed her temples; this was getting very confusing.

________

“...so that’s what’s going on,” Roxas finished, his head in his hands. “and now I have no idea what to do.”

“That _does_ sound stressful,” Terra replied from the Gummiphone screen, looking concerned. “you realized this when we drew names, right?” Roxas nodded miserably. “And you drew _her_ name?”

“Yeah,” Roxas groaned. “and I’m pretty sure Sora had something to do with it.”

Terra smiled a little. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.”

Terra’s calm demeanor greatly helped Roxas’ unease. At first, he wasn’t sure where to turn to for advice. Sora was clearly out of the question – Roxas was still mad at that stunt he pulled at the Bistro. He and Riku already had a somewhat complicated relationship, so asking him for advice would only make things more awkward. Lea, being friends with both him and Xion, would somehow make things more complicated. Ventus was always helpful and kind, but he was awfully naive about some things. The only option Roxas could think of was Terra, and it immediately felt right. Terra was a bit quiet, but intuitive. Plus, he was older than Roxas – he probably had more experience than any of the rest combined (except maybe Sora; anyone who saw the way he looked at Kairi knew how he felt about her).

“Let me see if I’ve got this right,” Terra began, thinking back on all Roxas had told him. “you two have been best friends for a while, and now you feel like there’s something more there. You feel like you like her as more than a friend, right?”

Roxas nodded.

“But you don’t want to ruin your friendship.”

Roxas shook his head.

“It’s funny you should call me about this,” Terra said with a small laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I was in the same boat around Halloween.”

“You were?” Roxas asked, surprised. 

Terra nodded. “There was a girl that was my best friend, and I had only realized I loved her this past summer. I wanted to tell her so badly, but I was _terrified._ We had been best friends for so long that I was afraid I’d ruin it if I told her my true feelings.”

“...is this about Aqua?” Roxas asked. Terra nodded. “Did you ever tell her?”

“I did,” Terra said proudly, “on Halloween night.”

“Where was I when this happened?” Roxas asked, in a ‘what-the-heck’ kind of tone.

Terra laughed. “You guys were all asleep. And I was glad! I didn’t want an audience.” Roxas laughed, and Terra continued: “but what I’m trying to say is that it’s perfectly normal to be scared about this sort of thing. No one wants to be rejected, Roxas. And a lot of times, the fear of that happening can be greater than the love you have for this person.” Terra’s voice became very soft at his next words: “But if you feel like you want to tell her, don’t let anything stop you.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t realize Aqua felt the same way,” Roxas said finally, after contemplating his friend’s words. “it was obvious to all of us.”

Terra smirked slightly. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but you and Xion are the exact same way.”

Roxas felt his heart skip. “W-What?”

“When the two of you are together, it’s like no one else is in the room,” Terra explained patiently. “and whenever she looks at you, she lights up like a firefly. And you look at her the same way.”

Roxas’ cheeks burned. “I mean, I guess I do, but I had no idea she did that,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

Terra let out a booming laugh. “Whatever happens between the two of you, I’m sure it’ll be just fine. In fact, I’d say she feels the same as you do. But like I said, if you want to tell her don’t let anything stop you.”

After a few minutes the two of them said goodbye, and Roxas hung up the phone. He plopped back down on his pillows, letting out a long sigh. If Xion felt the same way that he did, nothing would make him happier. It would be a perfect ending to a first Christmas.

However, if she didn’t…

Roxas shuddered slightly. Even though it hadn’t happened, the crushing weight of sadness at her not returning his feelings sank into him. He didn’t doubt that they’d still be friends – the two of them were far too close to let something like this come between them – but it would be so _weird._ Roxas could picture it: the two of them and Lea, sitting on top of the clock tower, eating ice cream, and a silence so thick and tense that none would be speaking (well, maybe Lea would. Just to try and lighten the mood).

Roxas glanced at the small wrapped gift on his bedside table. He was sure Xion would like it. From the moment he laid eyes on it, he knew it would bring her joy.

He just hoped his feelings would do the same.

___________

The day of the Christmas party came all too quickly. Thankfully, Xion had found a solution to her present problem. Holding the small rectangular box in her hands, she walked with Kairi, Namine and Aqua to the Event House. Fresh snow was falling, and the cold outside was a soothing touch to Xion’s flushed skin. Her knees felt wobbly – and she was sure it wasn’t just because of the small heels she was wearing. Her stomach growled with hunger, but whenever food was placed in front of her Xion lost her appetite. Her heart was pounding so fast and so intensely that Xion was sure everyone would see it when she took off her coat.

That morning, as she was finishing up Roxas’ gift, she had made her decision. She would tell Roxas her feelings.

Strangely enough, she felt nearly the same way as she did before she disappeared. Back then, she had felt so full of memories she thought she was going to explode. Today, she felt so full of feelings and apprehension that she wasn’t sure if she was going to throw up, faint, or spontaneously combust. Or perhaps all three.

Her three friends had supported her wholeheartedly. They had even gone so far as to make sure she looked extra nice. Now with her hair brushed, a small amount of makeup and a navy blue dress on, Xion felt a little more confident. Not a lot, but it was the least her friends could do to help.

“Hey,” Kairi murmured next to her. Xion looked at her friend, and Kairi gave her an encouraging smile. “it’s gonna be just fine. You’ll do great! And remember, even if you decide not to say anything, that’s okay.”

“She’s right,” Aqua said, brushing some snow out of her hair as they walked. “and most importantly, just be yourself. Roxas likes you for _you.”_

Namine, who didn’t know much about romance but still wanted to offer as much support as possible, simply grabbed Xion’s hand and gave it a small squeeze. Xion gave her a shaky smile.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up,” she said weakly as they approached the Event House.

“Well, just don’t do it on your shoes,” Kairi teased lightly.

The Event House in Twilight Town was a large, old-fashioned building with fancy columns and big windows. The house was typically reserved for large gatherings, such as wedding receptions or New Years Eve parties. Sora had somehow managed to snag it on Christmas Eve, the time of year when reservations were booked far in advance.

Multi-colored Christmas lights hung around the frame of the house, twinkling like stars. A snowman was built in the front yard, holding a broom. A big staircase led up to the front door of the house, and the girls carefully held the railings as they climbed. Since all of them were wearing nice shoes rather than boots, none wanted to take the risk of falling on their face.

The four of them walked inside, gently setting down their gifts and taking off their coats. After hanging them up, they followed the sound of laughter and were led to an enormous sitting room laden with poufs, chairs and small couches. A table with various holiday treats and drinks sat in the back corner. Christmas music played from a radio on one of the small end tables. All around the room were their friends, laughing merrily and munching on goodies.

“Hey, you made it!” Sora called out joyfully, squeezing his way through the crowd. He was dressed rather nicely in a white shirt, black pants and red bowtie. He even had a Santa hat perched on top of his head. “you can hang onto your presents for now. We’ll be doing Secret Santa in a bit. Go get some food!”

Kairi bade the other three farewell as she wrapped a hand around Sora’s arm. She mouthed, “good luck!” to Xion as she walked away. Soon after, Terra came up to Aqua and kissed her cheek in greeting. He whispered something in greeting, and Aqua beamed at him. Seeing that some of the plates of goodies needed to be refilled, Aqua and Terra walked away as well.

Namine and Xion stood there together, feeling somewhat awkward. Xion saw Namine make eye contact with Riku, only to quickly look away. “Go say hello,” Xion encouraged, giving her friend a small nudge. “Riku doesn’t bite.”

“I...don’t know,” Namine said quietly, pulling at the hem of her gold dress. “maybe after I get some food.” She turned towards Xion. “do you want anything from the table?”

The thought of food only sent Xion’s stomach into more of a tizzy. “Maybe just some water. Thanks.” Namine nodded before making her way to the table. Xion saw Riku make his way there as well, and he began a conversation with her. Namine gave him a smile in greeting.

“Well, look at you!” Xion turned around to see Lea approaching her. His hair jingled, and it was only when he was close to her that Xion noticed the small jingle bells in his hair.

Lea gave her a bright smile. “You look great, Xion! Where did you get that dress?”

“Kairi let me borrow it,” Xion said shyly, adjusting the strap on one of the shoulders. “and thank you. I...wanted to look nice tonight.” The navy blue dress complimented her dark hair, and she liked the way it hugged her chest but flared out at her waist.

“Well, you do!” Lea said, ruffling her hair slightly. “Roxas glowed up a little tonight, too.” He jabbed his thumb behind him, and Xion peeked around his tall frame to catch a glimpse.

Her breath caught in her throat. Roxas was dressed simply in a white button up shirt, black slacks, and a deep blue waistcoat. Xion wasn’t sure if it was the fact that the waistcoat was the same blue as his eyes, that he was laughing about something with Ven, or that he looked impossibly good in that attire, but she felt her face and ears heat up.

Roxas, perhaps sensing that someone was looking at him, turned his head. The two of them locked eyes. Roxas’ lips parted slightly in shock. Was he thinking the same as she was?

Xion lifted her hand and gave him a small wave. Roxas did likewise.

“What did I tell ya?” Lea said, smirking slightly at the two of them. “looks good, doesn’t he?” Xion merely nodded, and Lea let out a laugh before patting her shoulder and walking to the dessert table.

The reminder that Xion was planning to tell Roxas her feelings slammed into her heart. She swallowed hard; how could she do that now, when she couldn’t even speak at the sight of him?

__________

“Whoa!” Ven exclaimed, looking over to where Roxas was staring. “Xion looks really pretty!”

“Uh….yeah,” Roxas said awkwardly. “yeah...she does.”

Ven smirked slightly. “So what are you waiting around me for? Go talk to her!”

“I – I don’t know,” Roxas mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “she looks busy.”

“ _Busy_? She’s standing all by herself!” Ven said with a laugh. “She’s not talking to anyone right now.”

“Well, yeah, but -” Roxas began to argue, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Terra standing next to him.

“Roxas, would you mind helping me with something real quick?” Before Roxas could answer, Terra had gently guided him away from Ventus and away from earshot.

“Thanks,” Roxas said weakly. “I didn’t know what else to say.”

“Ven can be a handful at times,” Terra said, albeit lovingly. His expression then turned serious. “Have you decided what to do? About Xion, I mean.”

Roxas gave a slow nod. “I think so.”

“Can I help in any way?” Terra asked. “what do you need?”

“Is there a potion that takes away this feeling?” Roxas asked, laying a hand on his stomach. It felt like it was full of birds in a cage, demanding to be set free.

Terra let out a small laugh. “Afraid not. But you can do it. I’m rooting for ya.” He paused as he heard voices die down. “I think we’re about to start. We better go.”

The two of them made their way back to the center of the room, where Sora was talking.

“Okay, everyone!” Sora’s cheerful voice burst through Roxas’ troubled thoughts. “it’s time for the gift exchange! We all need to sit in a big circle so we can see one another.”

Roxas decided to stick close to Terra. He sat next to his older friend, clutching the small present in his hands. He took a glance across the circle to see Xion sitting next to Riku. The two made eye contact, and this time Xion was the first to look away.

“So, who wants to go first?” Sora asked brightly, once he explained how everyone was going to get their presents.

“Can I be the first to _get_ a present?” Lea said in a slow drawl. Roxas snickered. “Alright, alright,” he relented, holding his hands up in surrender as Sora gave him a look. Lea stood up, holdinga small square box. “I drew Kairi’s name.”

As he made his way over to Kairi – and Kairi delightfully thanked him – Roxas found himself lost in thought. The voices of those around him seemed to fade away. A rhythmic beat was pounding in his ears: _Ka-THUMP. Ka-THUMP._ Roxas absentmindedly laid a hand on his chest; he could feel his heart beating beneath his fingertips. If it were any louder or stronger, everyone else probably could too. And then everyone would ask why he was so nervous, which would lead to him trying to defend himself, which would lead someone to making a conclusion, which would –

Geez. No one told him that being human would be so complicated. Roxas closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths. He understood the reason why he was so nervous, but it still sent a twinge of annoyance through him. Why couldn’t he just calm down? Why couldn’t his body do what he wanted it to?

“Hey,” Terra’s whisper cut through Roxas’ thoughts. “it’s gonna be okay. You don’t have to tell her in front of everyone. It can wait till after the gift exchange.” Roxas slowly opened his eyes and nodded.

“Your turn, Xion,” Sora called, fiddling with his Santa hat. Roxas felt his heart stop for a split second. Whose name did she pick? What if it was Ven, or Riku? Sudden images of Xion giving either of the two a gift, the other smiling gently and the two embracing nearly set his nerves on fire.

Xion’s cheeks went slightly pink as everyone looked at her. “Well...I drew Roxas’ name.”

Roxas swore he heard a record scratch. _Wait. What? _

Xion stood up and made her way over to him. She wasn’t looking directly at him, and her fingers kept fiddling with her hair. The blue dress she was wearing swayed slightly. Roxas stood up to meet her, feeling light-headed. For some reason, everyone else seemed to fade away, and it felt like it was only him and Xion in the room.

Xion peeked up at Roxas through her eyelashes. “It’s not much, but I hope you like it.” her voice was soft. She held out the rectangular box in her hands.

“I’m sure I will,” Roxas replied, giving her a small smile.. Xion took a few steps back so the rest of their friends could see. Roxas gently began to peel the wrapping paper off.

“Come _on,_ Roxas!” Lea suddenly shouted. Everyone turned to look at him. “this is a _present!_ You’re supposed to rip it open!”

“Knock it off,” Isa chided. Lea gave his friend a triumphant smile as Roxas began to tear at the wrapping paper more ferociously.

Roxas cast the wrapping paper aside and opened the lid to the box. He heard himself let out a small gasp. Gently lying there at the bottom of the box was a long, very warm-looking, royal blue scarf. Judging by the slightly uneven knitting, Roxas knew it was homemade. He looked up at Xion, who simply gave him a smile. Roxas felt something prick at his heart, and he swallowed hard.

Amid the shouts of, “what is it?!” and “show us!!” Roxas gently took the scarf out of the box and lifted it up. Everyone “ooohed” and “ahhhed” at the sight of the scarf.

“It’s so cute!” Kairi gushed. “did you make that?”

Xion nodded. “I learned how to knit a while ago from Ventus. I asked him for some patterns and she showed me how to do it.”

“Since when did Ven learn how to knit?” Terra whispered to Aqua. Aqua shrugged.

“Thank you,” Roxas said, his voice slightly choked. He cleared his thro at before saying, “thank you, Xion. I love it, and I’ll put it to good use.” Xion simply gave him a bright smile in return.

“So who did you get, Roxas?” Sora asked, a mischievous smirk on his lips.

Somehow, Roxas’ confidence seemed to shoot through the roof. He wasn’t sure if it was the scarf, the atmosphere of the party, or his best friend looking so pretty, but he accepted it. “It’s funny,” he said, scooping down to pick up his gift, “Xion drew my name, and I drew hers.”

There were various cries of, “no way!” and “awww, how cute!” from the room. Roxas handed Xion the small box, and Xion gladly accepted it. The gift was in a small velvet box, so there was no need for wrapping. Xion gently pried off the lid and looked inside. She gasped and held a hand to her chest.

“What is it?” Lea asked, trying to catch a glimpse of the box. “it’s not a ring or something, is it?” He let out a yelp of pain as Isa elbowed him in the ribs.

Xion gingerly lifted up a small piece of jewelry. It was about the size of the palm of her hand, and glittered in the dim lights. Various designs of different seashells bedazzled the edge of it.

“I, uh, noticed your bangs were getting kind of long,” Roxas said, aware that every eye in the room was on him. “and you’re constantly brushing them out of your face. I saw this hair comb in a shop and thought you’d like it.”

Dead silence. Roxas could feel it crawling on his skin; he had to do something, fast.

“I mean, if you don’t,” he added quickly, “I can always return it. It wasn’t too much. Uh...sorry? Maybe it was kind of a silly thing to -”

He was cut off by Xion’s arms wrapping around his neck. She was so close to him he could smell the scent of her shampoo. Roxas suddenly forgot how to breathe.

“What are you talking about?! I _love_ it!” Xion shrieked. “it’s so beautiful! Thank you, Roxas!”

Roxas gently patted her on the back awkwardly. “You’re welcome.” For all he knew, he could’ve been speaking another language.

___________

The rest of the party went on as scheduled: Secret Santa finished shortly after, some games were played, and now everyone was just sitting around talking. Kairi was cuddled up next to a very tired but very happy looking Sora. Aqua and Terra were sitting on one of the couches, holding hands and talking quietly. Ven, Lea and Isa were swapping stories by the fire. Namine was showing Riku how to make paper snowflakes, laughing a little as his turned out to be more like abstract art.

Roxas was in the hallway, looking up at one of the big Christmas trees by the stairwell. The twinkling lights shone brightly, the star on top adding the final touch of magic. For a while Roxas simply stared at it, soaking it all in. What people called “the magic of Christmas” was surely alive inside of him. He felt lighter than a feather, both in body and spirit. Seeing how much Xion appreciated and loved his gift was a far greater gift than giving it.

“Roxas? What are you doing out here?”

Roxas turned to see Xion walking towards him, still holding her small gift in her hands. She had a bright smile on her face, her low heels clicking on the wooden floor.

“Just looking at the tree,” Roxas answered, turning back towards it.

“It’s beautiful, right?” Xion asked, standing next to him and looking at it herself. “I don’t know what it is about Christmas trees, but they always bring some feeling of magic.”

Roxas looked at her. The lights from the tree reflected in her large eyes, and the dimness of the hallway cast shadows across her face. He knew Xion’s face inside and out, from the small bump on the bridge of her nose to the dimple in her left cheek. And yet, somehow, he felt like he was seeing her for the very first time.

“I’m glad you liked your gift,” he said softly.

Xion turned to him in excitement. “Of course I do! It’s from you, silly.” Not seeming to notice Roxas’ blushing face, she opened the small box again and held up the comb. “It was very thoughtful to think of something like this, Roxas.”

Roxas smiled in reply. As if he were suddenly not in control of his body, he gently took the comb from her hand, brushed back her long bangs and set the comb in her dark hair. “There,” he said, his voice coming out very quiet. “now you can see better.” Realizing that his hand was still lingering on the side of her face, he quickly dropped it. He looked away from her, suddenly feeling extremely awkward. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears again, his palms were sweaty (he criticized himself for touching her hair with his sweaty hands) and he felt light-headed.

“Thank you,” Xion said again, her voice just as soft as his. Her cheeks were pink. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “Roxas...I have to tell you something.”

Roxas’ head snapped up to look at her. _She_ had to say something too? “I do, too,” he said, groaning inwardly at how stupid his voice sounded.

“Oh,” Xion said, surprised. “then you go first.”

Roxas’ stomach churned. “No, it’s okay, you can go.”

“No, you,” Xion insisted.

Roxas let out a sigh. How was he even going to do this? Arguing with her to go first would only lead to an endless battle of, “you go, no you go, no you.” Surely whatever she had to say would be more important. But judging by the look in Xion’s eyes, she _really_ wanted him to say whatever he had to say first.

 _Just be yourself,_ Terra’s voice reminded him inside his head.

 _But what if “myself” is awkward and weird?!_ Roxas nearly screamed silently. Unfortunately, there was no answer. He took another deep breath, vowed that he wasn’t going to back down, and began to speak.

“Xion...we’ve been best friends for a while. You, me and Lea. Since the Organization days when we were Nobodies, we stuck together.” the words came out clumsily, but Roxas forced himself to keep going. “and now we’re all back together again, and it’s like nothing’s changed. But...a few things have. Within myself, I mean.” He continued explaining upon seeing Xion’s confused expression. “I don’t know a lot about the world, or about feelings. Lea does, and he helps a lot. But...you’ve been helping a lot, too. And we’ve been experiencing these things together, and it’s been hard and weird, but...there’s no one else I’d rather do it with.”

Roxas took another deep breath before continuing. “I guess...what I’m trying to say is...thank you. For all of your help and support. For showing me cool things about the world, like Christmas trees.” he gestured to the tree in front of them. “And for being patient with me as I’ve tried to figure things out. You...” Roxas paused, choosing his next words carefully. “You make me feel like a real person. Like I exist. You make me feel _alive._ And I...really like you for that.” He finished lamely.

There was no response. Roxas nervously looked at Xion and was taken aback. Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears.

“Oh no,” Roxas said quickly, “did I say something wrong?! Oh, Xion, I’m so sorry -”

“Don’t apologize!” Xion interrupted, wiping her eyes. “I’m crying, but I’m not sad. I actually feel very...happy,” she said slowly, a smile growing on her face, “because you’ve done the same for me. You always have, Roxas. And I...really like you for that, too.” Her entire face was red.

A wave of joy – pure, whole joy – swept over Roxas. He didn’t know whether to scream, jump around, or throw his head back and laugh. A smile broke out on his face, and without thinking he embraced Xion in a tight hug. She hugged him back just as fiercely, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck.

“I was so scared,” Roxas breathed, letting out a small laugh, “I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Me too!” Xion laughed. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Merry Christmas, Roxas.”

“Merry Christmas, Xion.”

Roxas wasn’t quite sure what drove him to do what he did next. There was a weird excitement in the air, and his heart felt so full it was about to burst. He didn’t know if it was pure instinct, an emotion he didn’t know the name for, or something else, but after a moment of staring at his best friend he felt his head lean towards hers. His eyes closed, and their lips touched.

And it was, by far, the single greatest emotion Roxas and Xion had ever experienced.

____________

“Ha! Told ya!” Sora said, hitting Lea in the arm and extending a hand. “pay up!”

Lea rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket. “It’s about time. Can you believe I had to rig the Secret Santa thing to make sure this happened? Those two have been dancing around each other for _months_ now. By the way,” he added as he handed Sora the munny, “thanks for playing along with this and acting like you didn’t know anything.”

“No problem!” Sora said, grinning brightly. “It was a good idea."


End file.
